I am freaking out right now. I am planning on going down to Destare and giving my two weeks notice today. I made a final decision Saturday night into Sunday that I was most definitely going to quit. I had been thinking about it for about a month now, and I’m going back and forth, back and forth. The only thing that I am worried about is the money. I’m freaking out about losing the money. But last Saturday I made absolute crap for money. Serious. Crap. My sales were $218. I tipped out the bar $11 (5% of my net sales), and I walked out of there, after seven hours, with $36. I swear to god. On a Saturday!!!! Plus, I got yelled at. He didn’t really yell, per say. But he spoke down to me, and made me feel incredibly small and like I was a complete idiot. I shouldn’t be made to feel like that any job, but especially not as a job as a waitress. A job that means absolutely nothing to me in the long run. It’s a waitressing job. Seriously. It’s not my career, and it’s not like I absolutely NEED the money. I don’t. I live at home, I don’t pay rent. I’m at Macy’s until January, and I’m still babysitting every Wednesday (and I’m going to tell her that I’m leaving Destare, so if they ever need me overnight, so they can go away for a nice night). I can live without Destare, especially if the people there make me feel bad about myself and stress me out beyond belief. All of this stress and crap that I’ve dealt with has made me cry several times, and even has kept me up at night. I shouldn’t be so freaked out over a job like this, and that should be the first sign that I need to move on!

I’m still thinking back and forth about it. I know that I should move on from there. It’s been a year and a half, and I am no longer happy. I also feel that I deserve respect for being there for so long, and that they should be thankful to have me, and thankful that I’ve stayed so long. I am the employee that has been there the absolute longest, and they don’t even give a crap. It’s quite sad.
It really is just the money that I’m worried about…. I’m wrestling with this in my head, but I know what the right decision is. I need to leave. Plus, I’ll give my two weeks now, and then I’ll be free to hang out with Megan when she’s home! I already told them I can’t work New Year’s because of the Brew Year’s Eve party, but he was trying to make me feel bad about it (I honestly think he might have fired me for not showing up, even though I gave him two months notice). Plus, I am sick and tired of working at night because it sucks to miss out on things all the time. My parents would go out to dinner parties at friend’s houses, which I couldn’t go to. I’ve missed numerous parties at friend’s houses because I “had” to work. It sucks. I want a regular day time job, with my nights and weekends to myself! I’d be fine working Saturday during the day, but not Saturday nights.

I’m going to look for a job in the mental health field, because I should get experience for my degree. Because the economy is so bad, I understand that I might not be able to get a job right away. If that is the case, I will try to just find a place to intern with. That way I can still get the experience that I need for my resume, even though I won’t make any of the money. I’m ok with that. Somehow I will make it through. I need to quit because the job is driving me insane. It sucks, but it’s true. I’m going to have to take school loans out. I owe ~$1600 in January (cause my class is 6 credits), and then in September, when I start my internship, I’ll owe $3200. My internship is 12 credits, and for every three credits, it is ~$800. I’ll probably have to take a loan out for some of that, but I won’t be done until May 2010, so I have until then to pay it off in full, before I’ll start being charged interest. But if that’s all the school loans I have after being done with my Master degree, I think $5,000 is pretty good.

I worked a full 8 hour day, and logged in 17,500 steps just at work.  Then, I went home and rushed to the gym (I got there 30 minutes before they closed), and did 2.3 miles on the elliptical.  I’m now up to 22,500 steps.  Yay!

Macy*s didn’t seem that busy, but we kicked ass with our sales plan, and our credit goal.  So that’s good.

Now, Caroline, Alysha and I all have the night off from Destare, so we’re going out.  We’re meeting at Destare.  Seriously.  I don’t want to go there on MY NIGHT OFF, but that’s where they both wanted to go. Hopefully, we won’t stay there too long.  I wanted us to get together and watch a movie and drink for free (well, for the cost of the alcohol at the store.)  I have wine here, so it’s like it’s free.

update:  We went to Destare at 10, where we stayed all night.  Caroline and I left for a bit to go to a friend’s new condo.  He was having a party right up the street, and I wanted to stop by.  It was at the Johnsonia, and Caroline and I were talking about how much fun it’d be to live there together!  It was a fun night… but I didn’t get home until 2am.  I don’t know if I’m a big baby or what, but I would have rather started the night at 8pm, had some wine, cheese and crackers, watched a movie or just hung out with the girls, and gone to bed at midnight.  I need to get some friends who have that same idea as fun.  That’s my ideal roommate, too.  Someone who will hang out with me, drink some wine (or juice, or water), and watch movies with me while chatting.

I ended the day with 25,004 steps.  That’s 12.5 miles. 

Fruit salad (cause it is delicious)

Wonderful friends at both of my jobs

Jenny at Macy*s for bringing me to see Twilight (I give it a 93 out of a possible 100).  We’re going to try to hang out more and watch sci-fi/fantasy movies together.

Trevor, Liz, and my dad for letting me be a part of Beers For Good, even though I’m not a beer enthusiast.

Being the healthiest and most fit I’ve ever been in my entire life (minus having cancer).

Being almost done with my degree.  One more class, and then my internship!

A mom and dad who understand that I’m trying to save money, and let me live at home rent free, and they even buy me groceries.  I try to cook for them, but I’m terrible at cleaning up after myself.

My friend Jay who introduced me to the TV show How I Met Your Mother.  It’s fantastic.

My friend Niles who always makes me smile at Destare, and who goes and picks up trash with me. (He’s the only one, you environment hating dead-beats).

Honey Bunches of Oats.  I couldn’t start my day without it!

Emiliano for hosting this blog free of charge.  (I didn’t even know that until last week, but I’m very thankful)

Fruit salad  (I just got a second serving!!!)

Diet Pepsi Max (Megan will kill me, but I LOVE it)

That Barack Obama won the election

Niles was the one who put the fruit on my car!  He also placed several pieces in the driveway, too.  I guess kids are throwing it at other kids or something — he said he almost got hit by an orange one day.  And he had read my posts about it, and thought “Oh, I bet Robin would like an orange on her car!” (and boy did I!)  He stopped by this afternoon to say Hello, and he told me about his shenanigans.

Macy*s is going well.  I enjoy it.  There’s a GSM position opening up (full time, General Sales Manager) because Kaleena is leaving to be Assistant Manager at New York and Company in Auburn.  It’s much closer to her home, and just makes more sense for her.  I’m debating about applying for it, but I’m not sure if they’d let me do it only temporarily.  Or, I don’t know if I even WANT to do it.  I start my internship in September of 2009, and would probably be interested in doing it until then.  But, should I instead look for a job in my field that would be only part time (or, I guess it could be full time)?  Next semester, I have only one class on Mondays nights, from 5-10pm.  It is a six credit class, Case Methods, and we have a mini internship (a practicum) of 35 hours.  With Macy*s, I know I could get days during the week off for school and for my practicum. My regular internship is 600 hours!   But, I’d also like to have a Monday through Friday job where I don’t have to worry about working weekends.  But I should find out how often the managers at Macy*s have to work weekends.  I’m not really sure what to do.  My friend from class, Heather, says there might be a part time position available with her counseling place, You, Inc.  Should I apply and inquire about both?  I wouldn’t want to start at You, Inc until January, once I’m done with Macy*s for the season.

Here’s my ideal life:  I would live in an apartment with two cats, and work a job that I absolutely love during the week.  My hours would be 9-6.  I would have several really good friends, and perhaps a roommate who would stay up and watch movies with me and drink wine.  I would read one book a week, and have time and energy to exercise every day.  I would cook fantastic meals for dinner, and enjoy every bite.  I think I live in the city. I would recycle everything, be really conscious about my trash, and try to do without paper towels and tissues.

I am very frustrated currently, because my life is very, very far from that.  The only thing that I do right now is exercise every day.  But with Thanksgiving and Christmas here, my gym is closing (I use the one at Fitchburg State), and that means I either do cardio outside in the cold, or not at all.  So that is worrying me, too.  I’m not a happy person lately, and I’m going to start going back to therapy.  I don’t really think Erin (my counselor) will be able to help me, but it will probably be good for me to go anyway.  I’m back to the point where I never want to do anything, and I just want to sit and mope on the couch watching TV.

Brew Year’s Eve is one of the only things I’m happy with.  I enjoy the meetings, and I look forward to them.  It is coming along nicely.  We’re averaging about two meetings a week, which last at least two hours a piece.  We’re finally getting stuff done, and the website www.beersforgood.com is up and running, and it’s finally done.  Well, done for now.  There will always be things we need to change, but we’re happy with it.

Here’s Liz and Trevor during Sunday’s meeting.

I was getting ready to meet Liz and Trevor about the Brew Fest, when I looked outside and saw an orange nicely placed on my windshield  (I’m hoping it was nicely placed).  The fruit is back! This orange went straight into the compost because I was right next to it.  Plus, it was about 30 odd degrees out, and this orange was probably too cold to be any good to eat (plus I wouldn’t trust it in the first place).

We met at a local business, Advanced Print Technologies to talk about ordering our pint glasses.  We wanted to see what we could get for our money, and what the label would look like on the glass.  For a regular 16 oz. pint glass, we have 3inX3in of space for our label.  With a 16oz glass with a handle, we would only have 2inX1.5in.  Just the difference in label size alone (plus, the one with the handle was $1 more a glass) made us want to stick with a regular pint glass.  The ones with the handles would be cool because they’re different, but it just didn’t seem that it would work out well with our label.  One of the guys at APT comes in to Destare occasionally, so he knew I had an iPhone.  He’s interested in getting one, so I let him play with mine, and showed him how to use it.  I forgot he had taken this picture until I was scrolling in my photo album and was confused at how I had taken a  picture of myself.

Christmas is almost here, and with it, comes Macy*s BIGGEST ONE DAY SALE OF THE YEAR!!!!

Now, Macy*s has sales ALL the time.  Seriously.  There is maybe one day a week where there isn’t some sort of sale going on.  But, I know from working at Macy’s for so long, that you will find the absolute best prices at Macy*s during a One Day Sale (ODS).  Things are just cheaper then.  It’s the best time to buy.  So obviously, with the BIGGEST ODS of the year, things are going to be cheap.  I got to work an hour early, cause I had done some other shopping at Kohl’s and Target (and by shopping, I exchanged a sweater at Kohl’s.  I had bought a striped one-I love stripes-but hadn’t worn it yet.  I lost my receipt, so I exchanged it for a black one that I can wear to Macy*s).  Then I wandered around Target, but didn’t find anything.  Once I got to Macy*s, I saw all the rediculously priced merchandise.  All of the clearance racks were $4.99 or 75% off.  I just had bought a bunch of sweaters that were $8 for me after discount (they were 50% off at the time), but now they were on sale for $4 (after discount).  I did price adjustments on two of them (so I got $8 back), and bought two more.  I’m not sure if I should keep them (do I need them?), but they’re $4 sweaters!!!!!  I also returned some things that didn’t fit - a wicked awesome sweater in the Misses department that was a Small, but still too big.  This lady obviously has it clipped in the back, because there is no way that is how a small looks on her.   But anyway, things were super cheap, and I went a little crazy.  Well…. I bought two more of the sweaters I had already bought.  One in light grey, and one in grey and blue striped.  They’re long cardigans, so they can be worn on top of other shirts, and light enough to be worn in the summer.  Perhaps I’ll change my mind and return them… but right now, they’re $4 sweaters!  This should motivate me to clean out my closet, and throw away things I don’t wear.

Worked all weekend at Destare.  I always work every Thursday, Friday and Saturday,  It’s starting to be a bit much because I never have any free on the weekends to do anything fun.  It stinks! (said in the voice of Jay Sherman)  I don’t want to just have random Friday and Saturday nights off, because then I might end up sitting at home not doing anything, when I could be at work making money!  But I’d like to be free to do something.  I would LOVE to have a Monday through Friday job that I love, and then work the occasional Friday or Saturday night, and that will be my fun spending money.

Here’s another message I got on a credit card receipt at work.  This guy left a number AND his name (but I cropped out the number when I took the picture). Most of the doofuses only leave their number, and no name. Geniuses.  It wasn’t even a 20% tip, so he mustn’t have thought I was THAT cute. Plus, he left it on the credit card receipt that I have to pass in at the end of the night. Note to all guys who leave numbers to girls, DON’T put it on the credit card receipt!

Saturday, I worked till 2:30am, then had to wake up and go to Macy*s on Sunday.  After working the full day, we had our Christmas party that night to get ready for the busy holiday season.  We always do it on Sunday nights, cause the store closes at 7.  That way, even people who work can still get to the party. But once we get closer to Christmas, the store is open later on Sundays, which is why we had to have the party so early. Jenny and I got our makeup done by Lori at Clinique.  It was fun, but I don’t like wearing so much makeup.  It made it very obvious that I was wearing makeup.  I like wearing enough that the color in my face is well blended,  but I don’t look made up or anything.  You can’t really tell from the picture, but my eyes were pretty made up.  Notice my thyroid scar?  Yeah, it’s pretty awesome.  Everyone at works keeps asking about it, and they think it’s a scratch!  But then I tell them it’s a scar from surgery. Oh, and I just found out that one of the guys at work was gay (he’s on the right of the picture of Jenny getting her makeup). He was talking about some hot guy he saw at CVS, and I thought “jigga what?!” I had no idea. Then I told everyone that I didn’t know, and they all made fun of me. Kaleena said I had bad gay-dar.

This is Coleen, Jess, and Jenny at our table at the party.  We had a ton of fun, and danced the night away.  We did all the crazy group dances like the macarena, the electric slide (which I don’t know), the song that says “now glide to the left…. cha cha cha”, and of course, the YMCA (as seen in the picture). I got a cute Christmas tree decoration that has my name on it. I also did an awesome 17,000 by working all day and then dancing!

On a final note, I must be seriously stressed out or worried about something, because I am absolutely tearing my nails apart.  This is a picture Nicole took of my hand after she did my nails.  She went to nail school and she did my nails a couple times to practice.  After the nails grew out a bit, I decided to take them off because I didn’t want to have to pay for them.  However, now that they’re off, I can’t keep them out of my mouth.  I’m biting them so much that they’re bleeding, and they HURT.  I think I’ve decided to just get them on again, at least for the holiday season while I might be overly stressed (2 jobs, babysitting, school, and planning the Brew Year’s Eve party).  But I’m going to do a simple thing so they’re cheaper.  However, with babysitting, I pull in $50 a week, so I figure that can be my free money to spend how I please.  I know that fake nails are stupid, and pointless, and a waste of money, but when I have them, I keep my fingers out of my mouth.

Biting my nails was a HUGE deal when I had my radiation.  Because I drank my radiation, my mouth was a major hot spot (it was mixed in with strawberry Kool-Aid - seriously).  I couldn’t kiss anyone, share utensils or cups with anyone because my mouth was considered hot.  When I put my fingers in my mouth, I would get the radiation on my fingers, and then, of course, anything that I touched.  It was a big deal, and a bad way to contaminate things.  I got yelled at by my radiation safety officer for putting them in my mouth right in front of him.  Oops!  Being wary of that has not made me change my habits, though.  And so, the only way I know to keep them out of my mouth, is to put fake nails on them.

17,624.

Challenge failed.

I work another five hours on Friday, and then a full eight hours on Sunday.  We’ll see how many steps I do in a full shift.  I’m pretty excited.  I know I’m going to break 20,000.  I’m thinking it’ll be about 23,000 total, with exercising. I do about 2,500 an hour at Macy’s.  During my exercising, I do about 5,500.  According to my math, I should do 20,000 exactly at Macy’s, and then with my exercising, I’ll be closer to 26,000!!!  Crazy.

We’ll see.

Oh, and I just found out that my favorite manager at Macy*s is leaving at the end of November.  Son of a!  How come my favorite co-workers keep leaving?  I’m just glad I’m only signed up for Macy*s for a short 7 weeks, and not “forever.”  I’d be bummed if I had to keep working there with Kaleena for a long time.  I can survive the month of December.

Holy steps.  I worked my first shift at Macy’s today as a Christmas Manager***.  It was only a five hour shift, but I walked a whopping 12,000 steps.  SIX MILES!  Holy crapola.  I don’t do anything like that at Destare… sometimes I’m lucky if I do around 3,000.  I’m still hesitant as if I’m excited to be back, I love the job, and I walk around all day smiling (seriously, all I do is walk around)…. but I’m not sure if I want to keep going back week after week.  It’s only a 7 week gig, so it’s not terrible, and it will put some extra money in my pocket.  The woman I babysit for called me today, and she’s opening up her own acupuncture place in Leominster (hopefully, she’ll work on me for free!!!).  She’s asking if I can work for her every Wednesday starting in December from 12-5 or 1-6.  Sounds good to me!  That’s even more extra money.  Just from babysitting, that’s at least an extra $50 a week.  Awesome.  I was thinking that with all these jobs (especially with the extra babysitting money) that I’d have Nicole do my nails again.  When I don’t have acrylic nails on, I bite the crap out of my real nails.  Seriously.  They bleed sometimes.  I just can’t help it. Plus, the money would be going to Nicole, which is cool.  BUT, Nicole went and got a job at VH1 in New York City, and she’s moving away this weekend.  Damn her!  But seriously, how freaking awesome is that???  I’m super jealous, but I’m sooooo proud of her.  That is absolutely the best thing ever.  “Oh, yeah, I work at VH1.”  Niiiiice.  But now I’m sad that she can’t do my nails, and that we can’t hang out anymore (this is the Nicole I ran the 5k with, and hung out with Saturday night).  Blast it!  Oh, and she’s going to be the Production Assistant on the show “Top 40 Celebrity Divorces.”  Hilarious.

And now that my day is over, I have walked a total of 19,346 steps.  10 freaking miles.  I wonder if I can beat that tomorrow?  I’m working the same 5 hour shift.  Challenge!!!!

Work all weekend was fun… especially Saturday night.  Saturdays’ are always the most fun night because they are the busiest.  Nicole got out from work early, and I only had two tables left.  The rest of the lounge was pretty dead, so I asked Lance if I could sell my tables to Caroline, so I could start drinking with friends.  Surprisingly, he said yes.  At Destare, I had two Pink Lemonade martinis, and a rum runner.  Then, we all went down to Grillicious, because they’re open until 3am on Fridays and Saturdays.  Jill and Caroline both got quesadillas, and we all got tons of free fries.  Then, we went back to Nicole’s house and hung out, and two more martinis while watching Kevin James standup.  Too many drinks. But so much fun!  I really hope that I hang out with Nicole again, she’s a fun girl.  She gave her two weeks notice at Destare, which bums me out.

I was very tired the next day, but I got up around 10:30, and mom and I went to Good Wil down at the Fitchburg armory.  The food was okay, I had great pancakes and clam chowder, but mom wasn’t impressed.  The music was also nice, but they were having a lot of trouble with sound feedback, which makes me worried about our Brew Years Eve.

Unfortunately, they used styrofoam everything. Cups, bowls, and plates, along with plastic cutlery.  I was very disappointed, and mentioned it on their “suggestion letter.”  Whenever there is an event (or I go to a restaurant) and get plastic cutlery, I always clean it, and bring it home with me.  When I’m with my parents, I ask them to also clean their cutlery for me to bring home.  We wrapped it in mom’s napkin, and she placed it in her bag.  As I was saving them, I asked her something along the lines of “Does me saving silverware make me a freak?”  Something along those lines.  She said no.  I admit that it’s a little peculiar, and not many people would think of saving it and reusing them… but I think it’s pretty smart of me.

Oh, and the title of the blog today is lyrics from a Jimmy Eat World song.

I’m so dedicated to the gym, and walking, and not using my car, that I occasionally (whenever it’s raining) walk to the gym in the rain with my umbrella!  I even have it placed right next to my gym bag in case I need to grab it on my way out the door. I look so somber in this picture because it was raining, and I was walking and taking a picture of myself at the same time.  But I’m sure I was in a good mood!

As I was leaving the gym, I saw this.  The recycling bin, and trash can right next to each other.  There are freaking water bottles in the trash can.  What the crap?  I don’t understand that.  What is wrong with people that they don’t throw their plastic bottles in the recycling bin that is RIGHT next to the trash can.  It baffles me.  So, of course, every time I see it, I have to reach into the trash, and move them.  And then I need to wash my hands.  I need to start bringing anti-bacterial gel to the gym so I can sanitize my hands after reaching into the trash.

Then, at work, I got this awesome little note from Rob.

Oh, and here is a little something to educate my readers. The Daily Show said that Sarah Palin couldn’t name all the countries in North America. Well…. I bet you couldn’t either.
North America Includes:
Canada
United States of America
Mexico
Greenland
and ALL of Central America

There are FORTY ONE countries or terrorities in North America.

And so, Jon Stewart, I challenge you to name them.
I understand that Sarah Palin may not be a genius, but don’t make fun of her for something that you got wrong on your own show. He stated the countries were “America, Gay America to our north, and Burrito America down south.”   I wasn’t positive about Central America (I mean, is it part of North, or part of South America?  Answer:  North),  but I at least knew that Greenland was part of North America!  Come on!!!!

The more you know. **flying star**