I had Jim Lawrence for my very first counseling class, Counseling Techniques. He talked to us about having a professional library, and collecting all of the books that we use in school to then have when we go on to be professionals. It was something I had never thought of before, but it made a lot of sense. Since then, I started to save all of my books that I thought would be useful for my upcoming career.

I had Jim again for Couples Therapy last December when I was headed in for my surgery. My surgery was scheduled for December 17, 2007, the exact week of finals. I had to tell all of professors about my situation, and take all of my finals early. For Jim’s class, we had a paper due on Dec. 17th. I told him that I was going into surgery to remove a tumor on my thyroid, and he understood completely. He told me that he, too, was battling terminal prostate cancer. He had gone through treatment many times, but now, it had spread, and he was dying. He had never told a student before, and he was trying to continue life as normal as possible. He wanted to keep teaching for as long as possible because he loved it. He gave me as much time as I needed for my paper, and said that he could give me an incomplete if he had to, and I could pass the paper in in January. I didn’t want to have to work on the paper at all when I recovering, so I was determined to have it finished before my Monday morning surgery. Sunday night, I finished the paper, and gave my brother specific instructions on when and where to deliver my paper. Class was held Monday night at 5pm, and I wanted to pass my paper in!

Nine months later in September 2008, Jim was my professor again for Family Systems Therapy. Jim had spent 30ish years as a Marriage and Family Therapist. During our first class, he announced to the class that he was dying. Not only was he dying, but his loving wife had passed away in August, only two weeks before.

Jim was only our teacher for about 4 classes, when he got very sick and had to go into the hospital. They replaced him with another professor, and class continued. Jim died on December 3. He was a great professor, and he will definitely be missed.

Yesterday, as I was leaving the gym, I got an email from the counseling secretary that said that Jim’s family had dropped off all of the books from his professional library, and they were free to students to take as many as they wanted. I drove right to the counseling department after the gym to have a look. I ended up taking a box and a half (15 books maybe?) of books ranging from topics of how to talk to kids about divorce, couples counseling, family therapy, and a lot of other stuff.

I’m very excited, not only about all of my new books, but because they came from Jim Lawrence. Seeing these books on my book shelves, even twenty years from now, I will always remember Jim, and how wonderful he was.

This is my song for 2008 - It’s called A Drop Filled With Memories (how appropriate!) and it’s from the movie Paprika.  Feel free to listen to it while you read my long post.  (Megan, don’t listen, it’s that song you don’t like).

2008 was a crazy, crazy year.  Absolutely insane.  Let’s review all I’ve been through.

I rang in New Year’s 2008 at Destare.  I came back from medical leave early so I could work. It was a lot of fun, but I teared up at midnight cause Steve was home alone, and I couldn’t spend it with him.  He spent the night playing World of Warcraft.

January 2nd - I had surgery on December 17th, and went to get my results from the endocrinologist and found out that the tumor on my thyroid was cancerous.  Not only was it cancer, but it was follicular cancer, rather than the more common papillary thyroid cancer.  Follicular is a more extreme of cancer, and tends to spread throughout the body while papillary always stays in the neck.  The reason they couldn’t be 100% sure about the cancer from the needle biopsy was because it was follicular, and that one they can’t tell just from a biopsy.  I needed to have another surgery, and I was only two weeks post-op from the first. Seriously, I find out I have cancer on the second day of the year?  That’s not a good start.

March 3rd - Surgery number 2.  I wasn’t really worried about this one (cause I had already done it once), but this surgery was scheduled in the middle of school.  I had to miss only one class, I think because I was still in the hospital when class met (Surgery was always on Monday, and I stayed over night until Tuesday).  For this surgery, I got out, and they put me in the recovery room, but my room upstairs wasn’t ready, so I had to stay in the recovery room all afternoon.  I got out of the OR at 11, and didn’t go up to my room until 5.  I was on morphine which was awesome, but they wouldn’t give me any water, only ice chips.  People in recovery kept getting X-Rayed, so they kept throwing a lead vest on top of me.  I think it happened about 6 times.  If I didn’t have cancer before, I most definitely had it after that. My parents kept coming in and out of the room, but for privacy reasons, they couldn’t stay.  My mom brought me my book and I was reading.  I was most definitely ready to have my own room.  I finally got upstairs and I had my own private room!  I was also really alert and able to hang out with my parents cause I was doped up.  In the middle of the night when the morphine was worn off was when the pain finally hit. I was awake on and off all night, and Steve spent the night on the floor to keep me company.  He kept having to help me move or adjust, or go to the bathroom (I had an IV in, and had to work around that to go to the bathroom).  Notice the awesome pen marks on my ear and neck in the bottom picture.  That is to say “CUT HERE”  and “THIS SIDE.”

Sometime in March - I was really really stressed out and sad.  I broke up with Steve because I felt like I couldn’t deal with anything anymore.

May - Radioactive Girl!  I had to go on a crazy low iodine diet for three weeks, and then go into Boston and get a mini dose of radiation, and then two days later, a major dose of radiation!  It was mixed with strawberry Kool-Aid. Yum.  Any of you ever been tested with a Geiger counter before?

Senator Kennedy was at Mass General the same day that I had my radiation.  I had two appointments scheduled.  I got my whole body scan (me lying down) at 12, and then didn’t go get my radiation until 2pm.  Between those times, we came downstairs to the lobby of the Wang building at MGH (that’s where all my appointments were).  Senator Kennedy was being released just as we were in the lobby.  We got to see him walk out of the hospital, and everyone in the lobby stood and clapped for him.  Here’s my dad live on CNN that day, his twin brother happened to be watching it live on CNN in Ohio, and hit record on his Tivo.  Then, he called my dad, and said:

“Uh, are you at some hospital in Boston?”
“yeah, Robin has her radiation today.”
“Are you wearing jeans and a blue shirt?”
“Yeah, how’d you know?”
“You were just live on CNN!!!”

My dad was also on the cover of the NY Times the next day.

The reason I was having such a hard time with the diet was because I was just picking at food and not eating real meals.  I finally was able to change that after a few days, but here is what I would have for lunch:

After receiving the radiation at the hospital, I had to then come immediately home and be isolated from my family for three whole days.  It was crazy!  I was having trouble sleeping because I was off my medicine, so I had to hang a blanket over my window so it would get completely dark in my room.  I also had my laptop, my pile of books, and my remotes!  Bill let me borrow 30 Rock, which was awesome because I had never seen it before.  This was the first day I was allowed to be off my diet, so I’m enjoying my first bowl of cereal in 3 weeks.  I was so excited about it, I had to take a picture (on timer mode, cause I had to be alone).

July 2 - Turned 24.  Pretty uneventful.  But I went out with friends! (Jeanne, Bill, and Paul)

July 6th - I went to the Boulder with Amy cause her friend Kyle was playing in the band.  It was the last night of the Longsjo, and I met Emiliano! (he’s the one in the yellow and green all the way to the left)

I was sitting on the curb with Amy (the band was playing in the blocked off street), and these guys come walking up to the bar.  One of the Lonsjo volunteers says “Oh, these are guys who raced today!  They’re on one of the best teams”.  I looked up, and I noticed one of the guys had bright yellow socks with weird red suns on them.  I recognized the socks as the state flag of New Mexico, because I used to live there.  I jumped up from my seat, and ran up to him and the convo went like this:

“I’m sorry… are your socks the state flag of New Mexico?”
“Yeah, that’s where our racing team is from!”
“I used to live there!”

“what part?”
“Santa Fe”
“That’s where I’m from!”
“No way!”
“Ok, I’m going to go grab a beer, and I’ll catch up with you later.”

So then I went to sit down, and the older gentlemen who were sitting near us said to me, “Wow, you don’t waste any time, huh?”  He found me later, and we hung out all night, and I just knew that he was this cool guy that I HAD to get a picture taken with, so I ran to my car and grabbed my camera to get some pictures before I left.  He had busted up his hand pretty badly in the race earlier in the day (notice the awesome wrap job).  Emiliano and I have become great friends, and he does my blog for me.  He doesn’t write it, but he does everything else.  Check out his awesome web design site, Pushing Buttons.  Go to him for all your web design needs!

July 25th - X-Files: I Want To Believe came out.  I had waited 6 years for this movie, and Bill and I went down to a midnight showing in Marlborough (a 45 minute drive). I brought my action figures with me.  I was so excited, that we kept having to re-take this picture because my smile was so big I looked like an idiot.

July 27th - Dad and I get caught in the rain while running.  We knew there was a huge storm coming, but I wanted to go for a run anyway.  We were almost done when it started down pouring.  I had my mom take the picture, because I think it shows our dedication.

July 28th - Megan and Mac came home to prepare for their wedding!  They didn’t do so much preparing, as much as they did lollygagging around and picking berries with me.  I love picking berries.

August 3rd -  Megan gets married! Mac and his parents fly in from England, and we have a great time!

At the wedding (and during the receptions) Sally and I went a little crazy, and took hundreds (literally, hundreds) of pictures of us goofing around.

August 13 - 26 - I fly out to New Mexico and hang out with Emiliano for two weeks.  We went hiking, hung out in Santa Fe, cooked a lot, took artsy photographs, watched a LOT of Weeds, and I got Strep throat, and had to go to the ER.  It was an all around great trip.  I got a little really homesick for Megan, and felt bad that she was in the US, but I wasn’t with her.  I think I got a little cranky and sad because of that, but Emiliano put up with me!  To apologize, I will include this picture (on the left), because it is his favorite, and it makes me look like an idiot.  He kept scratching this one spot on my back (scratching it in just one place, so the spot would get raw), and it was driving me insane.  I was still getting over being sick (I spent about 2 full days in bed), and I was very irritable.  This is him driving me insane on purpose so he could take a funny picture.  He looks very pleased with himself.  But seriously, Emiliano, tell them how sick I was!!!  I was incredibly sick.  His step mom was giving me Vicodin to make me feel better.  It rocked.

Emiliano was also kind enough to go on a horribly long car ride with me to Roswell, NM, home of the infamous 1946 UFO crash!  Everything was UFO themed, it was awesome.  We even went to the International UFO Museum and Research Center.  Pretty interesting stuff, definitely worth the 3 hour long ride.  This was also my very first blog post!!!  (I had backdated other cancer related stuff - but the Roswell post was the first, cause that’s when Emiliano set up my blog!)

August 27th - I flew back from New Mexico on the 26th, and the very next day, we flew out to England for Megan’s wedding party over there.  It wasn’t too bad, cause all my luggage was already packed!  I just had to grab fancy stuff for her party.  We had a lot of fun, but we weren’t there for long enough!

September- I got a pedometer, and went a little crazy.  Such as the time when I jogged in place for 2.5 miles to get to 10,000 steps.  I still wear it religiously every day, but I’m only at 4388 now (at 8:45pm), and there’s no way I’m jogging in place for 2.5 miles tonight.

October 1 - 31 - Buy Nothing Month!  It was awesome, and I’m going to do it again this month. (I bought a new laptop September 28th, only days before BNM started)

October 4th - I ran my first 5k!  (I haven’t seen that recycling shirt in a few months.  Uh oh.  That’s why I have to clean my room!!!)

October - I started picking up trash around Fitchburg.  I did this many more times, but I had to stop cause it’s too cold out and there’s snow everywhere.  Niles and I will commence in the spring.  I will try to get more people involved, and to expand the area where we work.  I think we should have T-Shirts made.  Here’s me and Niles celebrating our trash accomplishments:

November - Started to get fed up with Destare.  Started back at Macy*s for the holidays.  Thanksgiving with family friends.  I met with the Brew Year’s Eve crew twice a week to plan BYE.  We decided on our production company name, Beers For Good, and started our own website.  From August through November, I get sick for one week every single month.  It started with Strep in Santa Fe, and continued.  I am immuno-compromised.

December -  More planning of BYE.

Quit Destare.

Huge ice storm hit North Central Mass, and we lost power and heat for 11 days.

I got a 4.0 in my class this semester, leaving me with a cumulative GPA of 3.93.  I have only one class left.  w00t!  (this portion added for Megan).

Megan came home for Christmas.  We got walloped with two ice storms - 18 inches total in 72 hours.  She loved it.

Dec. 31st - Brew Year’s Eve!  It went great, and we had tons of fun.

That’s it.  2008 in a nutshell.

I clearly lost steam after October.  I figured that because I started blogging in September, I only needed to update peeps on the things that happened before then.  Plus, that’s when all the important stuff happened.  But if you want to learn more, read my friggen blog.

I am done.  This post took me 3 hours to write!  It was all the pictures that were slowing me down… but I think they’re great!

I realize this wasn’t a review.  It was a synopsis.  Here’s my review of 2008:  it sucked. Too many bad things happened.  Sure, there were good parts, but there were also not good parts, and I think the effect the bad parts had on me out weighs the good parts.  Disagree?  Too bad.

Questions?  Comments?  Leave ‘em.

Like SNL, but not really.

This is just a quick update because I have a paper that is kind of due tomorrow.  The professor said we could pass it in tomorrow if we wanted to get it back by our last class since we don’t have class next Monday.  Or, we could pass it in next class and not get it back.  I’m having a hard time cause I don’t really understand it completely.  I emailed three people from class to get help, and haven’t heard back from any of them.  I’m thinking if I can’t finish it, I’ll see if I can mail it out to the professor, or drop it off to him when he’s teaching another class.  I’m just having a hard time understanding it.

It’s going to be December in Massachusetts in two hours, and I am completely shocked that it hasn’t snowed yet.  I can’t believe it.  I have seen snow fall from the sky, but it hasn’t stuck to the ground.  There hasn’t been a snow fall where you’d suddenly find yourself looking outside and saying “Oh wow, it snowed!”   Currently, it’s raining outside. Gross, cold rain.

I started reading Twilight after seeing the movie on Tuesday afternoon.  That’s another reason I want to finish this paper, so I can spend all my spare time reading.  I will think of it as a reward.

We had a Brew Year’s Eve meeting tonight.  It’s a constant Wednesday and Sunday night thing.  Liz made us Sweet Potato Tarts (I think they were sweet potatoes) to try as a possible appetizer for that night.  It was delicious even though it got to us cold (I think it’s suppose to be served hot).  It was nice and filling, even thought it was really little.  Great bite size food.

Ok, off to do my paper.  It’s about family therapy, and my family and how I would do family therapy on us.  Or something.  Not really positive.   But it’s only about 5-7 pages long, and that includes a one page genogram, and a two page “chronological chart” that includes all big events in our family and how it impacted us.  So, the actual paper part is pretty short, but I figure it needs to be short and GREAT.

Off to write!  I’ll reward myself with Twilight a little later tonight, cause I want to read it very badly.

Niles was the one who put the fruit on my car!  He also placed several pieces in the driveway, too.  I guess kids are throwing it at other kids or something — he said he almost got hit by an orange one day.  And he had read my posts about it, and thought “Oh, I bet Robin would like an orange on her car!” (and boy did I!)  He stopped by this afternoon to say Hello, and he told me about his shenanigans.

Macy*s is going well.  I enjoy it.  There’s a GSM position opening up (full time, General Sales Manager) because Kaleena is leaving to be Assistant Manager at New York and Company in Auburn.  It’s much closer to her home, and just makes more sense for her.  I’m debating about applying for it, but I’m not sure if they’d let me do it only temporarily.  Or, I don’t know if I even WANT to do it.  I start my internship in September of 2009, and would probably be interested in doing it until then.  But, should I instead look for a job in my field that would be only part time (or, I guess it could be full time)?  Next semester, I have only one class on Mondays nights, from 5-10pm.  It is a six credit class, Case Methods, and we have a mini internship (a practicum) of 35 hours.  With Macy*s, I know I could get days during the week off for school and for my practicum. My regular internship is 600 hours!   But, I’d also like to have a Monday through Friday job where I don’t have to worry about working weekends.  But I should find out how often the managers at Macy*s have to work weekends.  I’m not really sure what to do.  My friend from class, Heather, says there might be a part time position available with her counseling place, You, Inc.  Should I apply and inquire about both?  I wouldn’t want to start at You, Inc until January, once I’m done with Macy*s for the season.

Here’s my ideal life:  I would live in an apartment with two cats, and work a job that I absolutely love during the week.  My hours would be 9-6.  I would have several really good friends, and perhaps a roommate who would stay up and watch movies with me and drink wine.  I would read one book a week, and have time and energy to exercise every day.  I would cook fantastic meals for dinner, and enjoy every bite.  I think I live in the city. I would recycle everything, be really conscious about my trash, and try to do without paper towels and tissues.

I am very frustrated currently, because my life is very, very far from that.  The only thing that I do right now is exercise every day.  But with Thanksgiving and Christmas here, my gym is closing (I use the one at Fitchburg State), and that means I either do cardio outside in the cold, or not at all.  So that is worrying me, too.  I’m not a happy person lately, and I’m going to start going back to therapy.  I don’t really think Erin (my counselor) will be able to help me, but it will probably be good for me to go anyway.  I’m back to the point where I never want to do anything, and I just want to sit and mope on the couch watching TV.

Brew Year’s Eve is one of the only things I’m happy with.  I enjoy the meetings, and I look forward to them.  It is coming along nicely.  We’re averaging about two meetings a week, which last at least two hours a piece.  We’re finally getting stuff done, and the website www.beersforgood.com is up and running, and it’s finally done.  Well, done for now.  There will always be things we need to change, but we’re happy with it.

Here’s Liz and Trevor during Sunday’s meeting.

Holy steps.  I worked my first shift at Macy’s today as a Christmas Manager***.  It was only a five hour shift, but I walked a whopping 12,000 steps.  SIX MILES!  Holy crapola.  I don’t do anything like that at Destare… sometimes I’m lucky if I do around 3,000.  I’m still hesitant as if I’m excited to be back, I love the job, and I walk around all day smiling (seriously, all I do is walk around)…. but I’m not sure if I want to keep going back week after week.  It’s only a 7 week gig, so it’s not terrible, and it will put some extra money in my pocket.  The woman I babysit for called me today, and she’s opening up her own acupuncture place in Leominster (hopefully, she’ll work on me for free!!!).  She’s asking if I can work for her every Wednesday starting in December from 12-5 or 1-6.  Sounds good to me!  That’s even more extra money.  Just from babysitting, that’s at least an extra $50 a week.  Awesome.  I was thinking that with all these jobs (especially with the extra babysitting money) that I’d have Nicole do my nails again.  When I don’t have acrylic nails on, I bite the crap out of my real nails.  Seriously.  They bleed sometimes.  I just can’t help it. Plus, the money would be going to Nicole, which is cool.  BUT, Nicole went and got a job at VH1 in New York City, and she’s moving away this weekend.  Damn her!  But seriously, how freaking awesome is that???  I’m super jealous, but I’m sooooo proud of her.  That is absolutely the best thing ever.  “Oh, yeah, I work at VH1.”  Niiiiice.  But now I’m sad that she can’t do my nails, and that we can’t hang out anymore (this is the Nicole I ran the 5k with, and hung out with Saturday night).  Blast it!  Oh, and she’s going to be the Production Assistant on the show “Top 40 Celebrity Divorces.”  Hilarious.

And now that my day is over, I have walked a total of 19,346 steps.  10 freaking miles.  I wonder if I can beat that tomorrow?  I’m working the same 5 hour shift.  Challenge!!!!

This is one of the new dorms at Fitchburg State.  They tore down some houses, and turned one of them into apartment like dorms.  I walk by this dorm every day when I walk to the gym.  I don’t understand all of this unused space.  I have never once seen any students hanging out in this grass.  No playing catch, no reading in the grass, no picnic lunches.  Nothing.

I understand that it’s colder out now, but even in August and September, no one was out in the grass.  It is such beautiful grass, I can’t understand it.  I want the school to put picnic tables there to encourage people to hang out there.

I was talking to Catherine last night at work.  She lives out in the Newton area by herself, and pays about $1,000 in rent.  She’s looking at moving to a new, bigger apartment for $1,150.  She’s a nurse, so she makes a good salary, and can afford it.  I was thinking about moving out there for my Internship, because I would love to live out in Boston, but Catherin said that it would be about $600 a month to do so, with a roommate.  I’m not sure if I can afford that, especially if I’m interning for an entire year (it’s a 600 hour internship, spread over 9 months), without pay.  I’d need another job, perhaps two.  Would it be worth it to have three jobs just to live out in Boston?  Or would it be something I should wait to look into once I have my degree, and I’m working towards my license? And if I do want to intern out in Boston, that I will commute?  With only 20 hours a week, I’d be looking at only 3 days or so at my internship site.  Or, I could see if I’m able to do 40 hours a week, and I could get my internship done a lot sooner than 9 months.  Then, I could work M-F at my site, and then stay at Destare, or a similar place and make my money on the weekends.

I have a while to think about it, because at the very soonest, my internship won’t start until June.  But I’m not sure what I should do.

A long time ago, I was at Hooligans with Bill eating spaghetti, and my neck felt really weird.  I reached up and touched my neck, and I felt a huge lump on it that I had never felt before, and so I asked Bill, “Does my neck look weird to you? It feels really weird.” But no, it did not look weird.

After a bit (I don’t remember how long) the lump went away. Then, about a week later, it came back, and it has been there ever since.  I started going to doctors about it. First, I went to an Ear, Nose, and Throat person. Then I saw another E, N & T person to get a second opinion.  They both agreed that it was a benign nodule on my thyroid (after doing a fine needle aspiration and an ultra sound). One person suggested leaving it there, and the other person suggested getting it removed.  Nice.  Then, I decided I wanted a third opinion, and in October 2006, I went to a Thyroid surgeon in Boston. She looked at everything, did her own ultra sound, and agreed it was benign. Good.

Then, a month and a half ago (September 2007), or so, I was drying my hair in my mom’s room, and I happened to see a note on her dresser from my appointment with the surgeon. It said “See surgeon again after 6 months.” It had been a year. Oops. So I made an appointment. This time, she did another ultra sound, and another needle biopsy. She said, “Call me in a week to get the results.”

Two days later, she called ME (5 minutes before I had class), and said “The cells look suspicious. We want to do surgery to get it out of there, and there is a 65% chance that you have papillary thyroid cancer.”

Ok.

So then I went back again to meet with her, and she explained everything to me: why she thought it was cancer, why they can’t be 100% sure, what the surgery is going to be like, what my recovery is going to be like, and how we’re going to treat the cancer.

She first wanted to do a total thyroidectomy (remove the entire thing), but then we were talking, and she said they can remove only the left side (the side with the tumor), but that means if it IS cancer (a 65% chance), then they will have to do another surgery to remove the other side. But I decided that I would rather take the chance that it is NOT cancer, and leave the other side intact. Otherwise, they will remove the entire thyroid, and then they might come back and say “well, it wasn’t cancer” and then I’ll be stuck taking thyroid hormones for the rest of my life. I would much rather take the risk, and then possibly need another surgery.

My surgery is scheduled for December 17, 2007 ( a WEEK before Christmas)…. but it will leave me with a week with nothing to do, and I can just watch Christmas movies and not worry about school. The other appointment option was for Dec. 7th, but then I’ll be recovering during finals, and that’s no good. Also, Megan will be home from England on the 21st, so she can hang out with me while I am recovering. I will be in the hospital for two days, and then home, and I hear the first few days are really bad. I will be on a “soft foods diet,” and I won’t really be able to move my head at all. The incision is right at the base of my neck, where all the muscles are. I’m not allowed to drive for at least one week, and I can’t work for at least two.  I have to get all of my Christmas shopping done, and all of my homework and studying done by the week before (my finals were scheduled for the 17, 18, and 19, so I have to take them all early). I’m more worried about Christmas presents though…. I’m going to have a busy month of December.

And I also have to decided definitely what I want to do about the surgery. Remove all of it, or just part of it. I’ve been reading up a bit, and it seems I may still have to take hormones even if they remove only half of it. I need to see a few more doctors to help me make my decision.

Nice.