April 2006.

The X-Files’ two main characters, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are both special agents for the FBI. Mulder is extremely open-minded and believes in extraterrestrials, and is always on the lookout for them. His partner of seven years, Scully, is much more reserved, and was originally partnered up with Mulder as a scientist to try to debunk his work on the X- Files. The X-Files is a branch of the FBI that is in charge of investigating unusual crimes. In this episode, Mulder and Scully are told that they will be followed around by a screen-writer from Hollywood Wayne Federman, who just happens to be a friend of Mulder and Scully’s boss, Assistant Director Walter Skinner. Their lives are turned into a movie, which the agents get to see in a special screening 18 months after the first part of the episode takes place.

A) Psychoanalytic

Fox Mulder’s most primitive goal is to seek the truth. His id impulses drive Mulder to not act out with aggression or to have extreme sexual drives, but he has drives to do anything possible to discover what is really “out there.” He has risked his own life countless times, and many who try to help him have been murdered because they’ve gotten too close. His ego arises when Mulder thinks of all that he has lost in his search. His sister was the reason his search began, she was abducted by aliens when Mulder was ten years old, and he has since tried to find her. His father, William, was murdered by the government syndicate that he had once worked for. His mother, the stress of living without her daughter and husband, and her son digging up the past to discover the truth, turned out to be too much for her, and committed suicide. Mulder’s superego is not very apparent in most episodes. He and his partner, Dana Scully are constantly breaking the law in search of the truth (or at least in search of the week’s villian). They constantly ignore orders from their boss, A.D. Skinner, and have been suspended from the bureau many times. It should be said, however, that they are always sure of what they are doing, and know that although it is wrong (such as breaking into someone’s apartment), they are doing it for the right reasons: to catch the bad guys.

Scully’s main drive (her id) is to prove that hard science is the key to everything. She is a medical doctor who decided to join the FBI after medical school, and is also a devout Catholic. When she experiences something that can’t be explained by hard science, her ego works to try to rationalize her thoughts. Her ego pushes the hard science to the front of her brain, and even when Scully witnesses a boy miraculously healed by cancer, she states that immediate remissions have been documented. Mulder on the other hand, always knows when something strange is going on, and tries to get to the bottom of it. Scully’s superego is much more potent that Mulder’s, and she tries harder than he does to not go against the book. She is more concerned with her job at the FBI, and of what A.D. Skinner will think if she goes running off with Mulder.

B) Behaviorism

The screen-writer, Wayne, who is following Scully and Mulder around evokes different behaviors out of the two of them. Mulder is extremely annoyed, and his feelings can be seen with not only his facial expressions, but by the way that he speaks to Wayne outright, telling him constantly to “shut up”. When Wayne introduces himself as a “writer/producer,” Mulder calls him a “hindrance/pain in the neck,” and Mulder asks A.D. Skinner, “sir, have I pissed you off in a way that’s more than normal?” Scully, on the other hand, is more quiet about her dislike for Wayne, and keeps quiet, knowing that he is good friends with Skinner.

In the last scene, Mulder and Scully have just finished watching the movie based on their lives, and although they were portrayed as incompetent and flighty FBI agents, Assistant Director Skinner was very pleased with his role in the film, and gave Scully and Mulder a bureau credit card to use for the evening. This positive reinforcement that they received reinforced the behavior that Mulder and Scully had shown to Wayne. Although at times, Mulder was annoyed, Scully and Mulder showed him what it was like to be an FBI agent, and because of it, the movie was successfully made.

C) Family Systems Theory

According to the Family Systems theory, the whole of the family is more important than the sum of its parts. With the X-Files, the special agents need to all work together in order to solve their cases. Mulder, Scully, and A.D. Skinner need to work together to get things done. The way it usually works is that Mulder receives some information about UFOs being sighted in Oregon. He and Scully then fly to Oregon, usually without Skinner’s permission, don’t find any UFOs, and then get berated for using the government’s money for plane tickets and rental cars. If Mulder and Scully filled out the correct paperwork to request a trip, then Skinner wouldn’t have to punish them. If the three of them could learn to work together, the running of the FBI would go a lot smoother. In this one episode in particular, the agents did an okay job working together. Skinner gave them a job, to entertain the screenwriter, Wayne, which Mulder and Scully did with only minimal amounts of complaining. In the end, Skinner was so pleased with the work they had done, that he wound up rewarded them in the end. Working together like this in all of their endeavors would make the jobs of the three of them a lot easier, Mulder wouldn’t have to sneak around, Scully wouldn’t have to worry about being dragged along to places they’re not suppose to be going, and Skinner wouldn’t have to yell at his agents for disobeying him.

Mulder and Scully have a subsystem of their own, a partner subsystem. They work together and protect each other. The subsystem they have with Skinner is a bit like a parent-child subsystem. Mulder and Scully would be the two children, who have to look up to Skinner to give them directions, and Skinner has authority over them. Just as in a real family, the two agents would keep things from their “parent” in order to protect each other, but both are comfortable enough with Skinner, and trust him enough, that in the case of an emergency, he can be a great person to go to. There have been several times when either Scully or Mulder have gone missing, and the other enlists in Skinner’s help to find the missing agent. There are clear boundaries between the subsystems, and Skinner is foremost their boss, but as the series unfolds, Skinner becomes more of a friend to Scully and Mulder than a boss.

I am just now entering my third week at the Hospice House.  So far, I really like it.  Although I am working with patients who are dying, and about ten of my patients have already died, I do enjoy it.

This is the house.

This is the area where the nurses and social workers do their paper work and congregate.

The desk on the left is the receptionist desk.  Every visitor needs to sign in and out.  Notice all the pretty flowers and plants?  We get them donated by a local funeral home.

In the kitchen, there’s a side for the kitchen staff, and a side of everyone else.  There is free coffee and tea for everyone, and they are constantly making treats.  So far I’ve had brownies, oatmeal apricot cookies, M&M cookies, banana bread, and lasagna.  I’ve been told by nurses that I will gain five pounds.

The dining area outside of the kitchen.  Both patients, their families and staff eats here.

There are a lot of plants and sun throughout the whole house.

This is the praying room.  It’s not really called that, but it looks like it should be.  There is stained glass, a nice fountain, and NO crosses.  That way, no one is made uncomfortable.

This is the living room.  Sorry it’s blurry.  There’s a gas fireplace that is on during the winter.

We have a piano and guitar for anyone to use. Off of the living room, there’s a patio.  There’s a gas grille that patients can use to have cookouts.

Each patient also has their own private patio off of their room.

Inside their room, there is the patient’s bed (lower left), and a pull out couch for loved ones to stay the night. They also have a private bathroom, and a small fridge for food.  Families are encouraged to spend as much time at the house as they’d like.

It is a very wonderful place.  I would love to work there because I would never hate going into work.  It feels like a second home.  Not only because it looks like a home, but because everyone who works there is very nice, and they say I fit in beautifully.

Plus, there are fresh baked cookies EVERY DAY!

I have just been very busy… and right now, I am too tired to write a lot.

The Brew Fest is a week from tomorrow.  We have a LOT of things to do still, and next week will be a very busy week.  That’s a good thing - but the weather has been very dreary, and I want the sun to come out so I can walk downtown (the Fest is downtown, as well as where everyone works).  I would much rather walk downtown than drive, because it’s only a bit over a mile.  Want tickets?  They can be bought online at www.beersforgood.com  Get them early - cause the price goes up at the gate!

I leave for England in 3ish weeks?  I’m very excited.  I need to start making a list of things I want to do.  Bike and jog around town is top of the list!  I just need a map of Southampton with Megan’s house circled, and I’ll be fine!  As long as I can get back to their house, I’ll be all set.  Two times ago that I was there, I got lost in town, Megan didn’t answer her phone, I got on the wrong bus, and I sat in town and cried.  That will NOT happen again.

I had an interview at a hospice house yesterday, and I GOT THE INTERNSHIP!  It’s up in Merrimack, NH.  That’s good for several reasons:  a) it’s only 45 minutes away, and mostly back roads.  Not bad.  b)  New Hampshire has no sales tax, so if I need anything big (computer, camera, iPhone), I can buy it in NH.  c)  I pass by this super cheap liquor store, so I can stop for stuff for Jason or my dad three times a week and d), my friend Eric lives in the Merrimack/Nashua area, so if there is a bad storm, then I can probably just stay at his house and not have to drive home.  I should keep a change of regular/work clothes in my car (and an iron!).

The internship is 600 hours, and I will be there Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays starting September 1, and go until March-ish.  I’m very excited. I think I am going to need more clothes.  Heh.

Tonight I am going to maria’s house in Danvers (about an hour away) - and we are doing dinner, and then I’m sleeping over.  Hopefully we’ll have a lot of fun.  Not sure what we’ll do - even if we just play games, watch a movie, and eat, I’ll be happy.

Off to pack for Maria’s!

My alarm went off at 6:10 for my morning run, but I was soooo tired, and my legs were pretty sore, so I decided to just stay in bed.  It was a good decision, especially because it was so cold outside, and so warm in my bed.

I had my practicum again this morning, and I sat in and counseled a client on my own!  It was pretty crazy.  For my first time, I think I did pretty well.  It was very exciting, and I actually had a lot of fun.  After I was done, I sat in with my supervisor as he ate lunch.  We were both starving, but I didn’t have my lunch.  I had brought an apple, and I ran to my car to grab a cereal bar so I could eat a little something too.  While we ate, we talked about how I did, and what I could have done better, and also what I need to feel better prepared for next time.

When he saw that I was eating only an apple and a cereal bar, he asked if that was my usual lunch.  I laughed and said “Oh, no.  I usually eat soup and a spinach salad. I’m going to go home and eat my real lunch.”

And boy did I!  I like to spruce up my soups, I added frozen peas and frozen cut up shrimp to this clam chowder.  I always add frozen vegetables because I think all my soups could just use more vegetables.  I saw the shrimp in the freezer, and decided it could also use more protein.

And I ate the whole thing!

My supervisor said that on Friday, I should bring my own lunch, so we can eat and chat together.  I usually eat soup every day, but I always have a hard time bringing it places.  Usually, I’ll just bring a can of soup and a bowl with me, and then rinse them out before taking them home.  I absolutely refuse to microwave it in a plastic container.  I needed something glass that had a cover, so I went on a search.  I found one in record time, and it is absolutely perfect.  It holds 4 cups, and it’s glass, and has a BPA free lid.  It can seal and can be transported easily.  It was only $5, and I know that I’ll use it many times.  They also had a 7 cup size one that was only $6, but I decided I’d get the smaller one for now, and if I need a larger one, I can always go back.  It’s the clear bowl I ate my soup in.  I wanted to test it out!

You know what else is BPA free?

This girl!

I’m digesting my lunch while watching Medium and Heroes.  I think after I’m going to run errands to get my exercise in (I’ve only done 3341 steps so far), and also get some food for Niles’ tonight.  I’ve decided I’m going to use the term “run errands” when I physically run to get errands completed, and I’ll use the term “drive errands”  when I drive to get them done.

I’ve mapped out my run/walk to the grocery store (I’m also going to make a pit stop at the library), so now I just need to finish Heroes, digest a bit more, and get ready to set out in the cold for a 3.31 mile run.  The last mile will be a walk because I’ll be carrying groceries.  I’m worried I’ll get a bit chilly, because it’s only 27 degrees out, but it’s windy, so it “feels like” it’s 15.  That’s coooooold!

My practicum went really well.  I was there from 9am - 1pm.  We saw two clients for a whole intake assessment (50 minutes), and then another patient of my supervisor’s stopped in for a few minutes to chat about starting counseling again.  I just sat there the whole time, and observed.  I need to understand and watch the practice first, and then I’ll be able to do it myself!  I have to audio record myself in these sessions, and I need people who will allow me to record them.  That might be pretty tricky, and I hope I don’t have problems with it. But I only need to have three sessions recorded.  I need the first one by mid March.

I can’t go back tomorrow, because I have to babysit at 10:30 until 3ish (yay money!)  Unfortunately, my supervisor is going to Aruba on Thursday, and won’t be back until March 2nd.  I’ll have just under two weeks to get my first recording.  I can definitely do that!

After I was done at 1pm, I went home and had lunch.  Then, I went out to run some errands. I went to the Salvation Army, and didn’t find anything that looked good. Then I went to Michaels and I finally bought my yarn and needles for my afghan.  I bought size 50 needles, and the largest ones I have ever used in the past are size 13!

Here’s a picture of me with three sets of needles.  The blue ones are size 8 that were the first ones that I ever knit with (I made a scarf).  The pink ones are the biggest I’ve used in the past, and the huge red ones are the ones I just bought.  They’re called “Speed Stix.”  They’re so large that it makes knitting go faster.  But the afghan will probably be holey. But I think that’s what makes it an afghan.

I’m so excited to get started!  I have eight skeins of yarn that I have to roll into balls (it makes it easier to knit with).  The total of all my stuff came to $43 (I bought a cute pack of note cards for $1 - they have an ‘R’ on them and they’re blank inside).  I had a gift card that I got from Dylan for Christmas, and I figured I’d just front the rest in cash.  After the gift card went through, I only owed $3!!!  Dylan had gotten me a $40 gift card!!!   I called him to thank him, and told him I was able to buy everything with the card. Yay Dylan!

I stopped at the library and picked up 5 books.  One of them is Angels and Demons, which I want to read before the movie comes out in May.  I’ve heard from many people that it’s much better than the DaVinci Code. I think the other four are all memoirs.  I’ve like to read memoirs lately.

On to dinner!  I used the Sloppy Joes recipe that I got from the Low Iodine Cookbook.  My mom and I both give it 5/5 stars.  It is SOOO delicious.  Absolutely amazing.  I ate it on one hamburger bun, open faced, and doubled up on my meat.  It was so messy!

Sloppy Joes

1 pound ground beef or turkey or Quorn (beef only for LID)
1 small chopped onion
1 small chopped green bell pepper (cut really small)
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup ketchup (to make it LID compatible, use no salt ketchup)
2 Tablespoons brown sugar
2 Tablespoons tomato paste
1 Tablespoon cider vinegar
1/4 teaspoon dry mustard
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Combine first three ingredients in large skillet. Cook until meat is browned, stirring to crumble, scoop the fatty water out of the pan with a spoon.
Add rest of ingredients to skillet and mix. Simmer 15 minutes.
Serves 4-5.

You know how good it was?  It was so good, I licked my plate clean.

Megan and I have a history of licking our plates, especially if there is pie involved.  I’ve gotten in the bad habbit of doing it even when there is no pie involved.  I physically had the plate up to my face, licking it with my tongue.  I was in the middle of talking to my mom, and she didn’t even flinch.  I think she’s used to it, too.

I start my mini internship thing tomorrow at a hospital!!!  Wahoo!  I’m psyched.  I go there at 9am, and I’m going to wake up at 7am and go running with my dad.  I’m going to do 2 miles, and my dad will try to do as much as he can.  He hasn’t run in three months, so he may not be able to do all of it.  That’s ok, and if he has to turn around, I’ll just continue by myself.  That’s what I did on Sunday morning.  He made it to about .8 miles, and then had to turn around.  He was ALMOST half way there, and he could have made it…. but he chose just to turn around.

I am still working on my skirt/bag, and it’s great!  Right now, I’m doing the handles…. those are a big challenging.  But so far, it looks good!  I’ve been watching Greys Anatomy while I work, and I love this show!  I love all these shows where people work together and they are happy.  It’s nice.

About my internship, I’m worried that I don’t have enough business type clothes.  I have two cute light (spring!) cardigans, that are yellow and one that is pink.  And I can wear those with a t-shirt underneath them.  I’m also going to wear my black crocs instead of the nice heels that I just bought, and wear my hair in a low ponytail, because I want to make a professional first appearance.  After the first day, I will get a better sense of what other people are wearing, and I won’t worry about it.

Oh, and I’m sucking at that whole go to bed by 10pm thing.  Do’h!  It’s 10:27 right now, and I am not in bed.  But I’m heading off right now, cause I have to wake up at 7am!  For a run in the cold!!!  Brrrrr.  But it’s a great way to start the day!!!!

I don’t know how long I’m going to be at my internship thing, my guess is I’ll be home for lunch.  Then, I will post about what we had for dinner tonight.  Tomorrow night, mom night we’re having homemade Sloppy Joe’s!  Classy.

I am very excited about the way the picture of my soup came out.  It is certainly quite the difference between the iPhone picture and the one I took and spent time on.  Here’s a comparison.

The only difference in the actual soup is that I was very carefully putting soup in the bowl.  I added more liquid to the bowl when it looked too dry, then added some noodles and stuff when it looked too wet.  I like how there is a little pile in the middle.  Then, I added some fresh parsley that we had in the fridge.  It is a little wilty, but you can hardly tell.  And it’s beautifully green!  So the real difference to the soup is the parsley.  Otherwise, I just ladeled it differently.  Then of course there’s the bowl, placemat, fancy bread (which is the same bread that we ate last night), and fancy plate from my mom’s fancy plate collection.

The amazing thing is how much better the soup looks.  Not just the picture quality, the one of the left is obviously more beautiful.  But in the picture you can see the pasta, and the sausage clearly, and it just looks more delicious.  It’s amazing what a little set up can do.

On top of all of this, it was FUN!  I had fun setting up my little scene, lighting a candle, and standing on a chair to take a picture.  My mom even joined in and said “You should add a wine glass!”    I enjoyed it.  Taking photographs of food is FUN!!!  Then, I just put the soup back in the tupperware, and re-wrapped the bread.  My dad is having them for dinner, cause he’s home alone tonight.  Then I just did my two dishes - bowl and wine glass, and I left the setting with the fancy plate and candle at the end of the table for my next creation!

It’s funny, sometimes I think “Ugh, I don’t want to think of what to make for dinner this week.”  And sometimes I’m really excited about it.  Right now I’m thinking the former.  But for tonight, I just have to prepare dinner to bring to class.  I already made my sandwich while my lunch was in the oven cooking (because that’s time management!), so now I just have to get my fruit, vegetables and yogurt ready.

I enjoy class, and look forward to going, but I wish that we had more comfortable chairs, and that I had a blanket with me.  Could I bring a blanket with me?  Yes.  Would people think it was a bit odd?  Sure, but there’s only 8 people in the class, and I think they would understand.

Dinner with Larry (the veggie pot pie) was great!  I did all the work myself, and made the veggie pot pie, mashed potatoes, and a mixed green salad with spinach.

I modified a chicken pot pie recipe.  Here it is:

• 1 cup sliced carrots
• 1 cup frozen green peas   (or four cups of any vegetables)
• 1 cup frozen green beans
• 1 cup sliced celery
• 1/3 cup butter
• 1/3 cup chopped onion
• 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 3/4 cups vegetable broth
• 2/3 cup milk
• 2 (9 inch) unbaked pie crusts

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C.)
2. In a saucepan, combine all the vegetables. Add water to cover and boil for 10 minutes. Remove from heat, drain and set aside.
3. In the same saucepan over medium heat, cook onions in butter until soft and translucent. Stir in flour, salt, and pepper. Slowly stir in the broth and milk. Simmer over medium-low heat until thick.  Remove from heat and set aside.
   
4. Put the bottom pie crust in the pie pan, dust with egg whites, and cook for 5ish minutes.  (this makes sure it isn’t doughy) - do this step while the liquid is thickening
   
5. Mix the vegetables into the milky liquid. Pour entire mix into pie dish. Cover with top crust, seal edges, and cut away excess dough. Make several small slits in the top to allow steam to escape. Brush with egg whites.
   
6. Bake in the preheated oven for 30 to 35 minutes (on a cookie tray to prevent spills), or until pastry is golden brown and filling is bubbly. Cool for 10 minutes before serving.If the broth and milk isn’t thick enough, the pie will come out wet and will be hard to serve.  It will still be delicious, and will thicken once it cools a bit.  To make a chicken pot pie, cut vegetables to 2.5 cups, and one pound cut chicken.  Add raw chicken to the vegetables, and boil all for 15 minutes, instead of 10.  You can then also use chicken broth.  Four cups of vegetables would be good, and any kind of vegetables.  Even a bag of mixed frozen vegetables would be great.

We ate the entire pot pie!!! After dinner, we had to admit to Larry we didn’t have anything for dessert.  I mentioned that we had ice cream in the freezer, but we didn’t have any chocolate syrup or whipped cream.  I got out my computer, and found a super easy recipes to make chocolate syrup! (I had to cut it down, the original recipes served 32!)

* 1/4 cup cocoa powder (not sweetened)
* 3/8 cup sugar (3/8 cup = 3 oz, a bit under 1/2 cup)
* 1/16 teaspoon salt (half of a 1/8 teaspoon)
* 3/8 cup water
* 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

I got out some frozen strawberries we had in the freezer, defrosted them in the microwave, got out some peanuts, and we cut up a banana.  We were able to make banana splits!  We thought we had no dessert, but we ended up having a fabulous homemade dessert.  The chocolate syrup came out great.  It was a fantastic meal.  All aspects.  Plus, my dad did all the dishes!  That’s one thing I love about cooking, no one ever expects me to do the dishes!

Look at the empty pie dish in front of my dad!  That bowl with the red in it are the strawberries!

This was my bowl of ice cream.  It’s a bit messy, but it was yummy!

_______

In non-food news:

I applied to be a substitute teacher today for the Fitchburg Public School system.  I think I should also apply to the other two local towns, Lunenburg and Leominster.   Being a sub would be good hours for me, and I’d still have time for class, and to do my practicum.  I would also get very good experience working with kids.

I think I have decided that I want to do my internship with hospice (working with people who are going to die within 6 months).  I would be able to work with a wide range of clients.  Elderly who are dying and their families, and also younger people who are dying and their families.  Possibly even children who are dying, or working with young children whose parents are dying.  I think that it would be extremely hard, but I also think it would be extremely rewarding.  I think I will learn a lot about life, and about death.  There are hospice places in Leominster and Fitchburg, but I think I should venture out to Worcester.  It would be neat to work in a new community, and perhaps I will be motivated to go out after work.  Also, I definitely won’t have money to pay for an apartment to live anywhere else.  I need to stay living at home, and save all the money I possibly can.  I had to pay my Visa bill today (for my tuition bill); it was $1700.  I am just now starting to freak out over money.  The good thing is that I haven’t been buying anything lately.  My only expenses are gas (but barely), car insurance ($150 a month), and my cell phone ($60 a month).  I need to make at least $250 a month to break even.

I would like to go tomorrow to buy yarn for the afghan I want to knit.  Yarn is on sale (still $4.50 a skein, and I need 8 of them!) at Michael’ s Craft Store, and I have a gift card.    This is the afghan I want to make.  I like the colors, but I will make it without the fringe, because I read reviews that said it was annoying, and frayed a lot.

I am slowly getting things done.  I finally clearled out my magazines and put them in the recycling.  And of course, another Marie Claire arrived in the mail today.  D’Oh!  I got my oil changed this week, only 3,000 miles late!  D’Oh!  I cleaned my room up and bit (and completely made my bed - I never do that!).  I still have two piles of trash that need to be cleared out, including a hair dryer that I broke, because it fell off my bed one too many times (I would fall asleep with it at the foot of my bed, and kick if off). It was slowly breaking in half, and I kept having to push it back together.  Things would rattle inside, but it never caught my hair on fire.  This last time, it made a horrible noise and I smelled smoke, so I unplugged it and threw it in the trash.  I vowed to not buy another one, because we have two other hairdryers in the house that I can use.

I also want to rearrange my room.  It feels like time.  If I do, I’ll be sure to post before and after shots.

These are all little things, but it feels good to accomplish things.

I have only one class left for my degree. Counseling Assessment and Case Management.  Everyone in the program just calls it “Case.”  It’s the last class - the one that is required before I can do my internship. It’s a six credit class, so it’s a double whammy.  We will meet every Monday night from 5-10.  Even though it’s only one class, it’s double the price.  I paid for the class last week and it cost me $1558. I put it on my Visa so I could earn points.  I will be able to pay off the bill in full, but just barely.  I’m not touching my real savings, so it seems like any money I ever make goes right to school.

Years ago I thought I’d be on track to save money for a down payment for a house. This was before grad school. Before all my earned money went to my education. It comes in, and then goes right back out.  It’s very frustrating.

I had a dream last night about Destare.  It was a good dream, and I woke up missing it.  I’ve had plenty of dreams about Destare, but they were all bad dreams, where either I was getting yelled at, or something else bad happened.  Even when things were good there, I would have bad dreams about the place.  When Lance and I were on good terms, I would tell him about my dreams.  I told him I was too involved with the place if I was having nightmares from it.  Back then, we thought it was funny.  So anyway, last night’s dream was good, and I woke up kinda regretting not working there anymore.  Well, not really, but I wished I hadn’t felt like that.  I just had to remember all the bad stuff, and that it HAD sucked, and it sucked a lot lately.  I hadn’t been happy there for months.  Stupid dream!

Since I’m not working at Destare anymore, I’ve been filling in more at Macy’s.  The store manager offered me a continuous weekend manager position, every Saturday night from 5-9:30, and all day Sunday.  I told him I wasn’t interested in working every single Saturday night:  I had just gotten off a job that did that.  I told him maybe I’d consider every other, but I wasn’t positive.  I’m working this Sunday, and my guess is he’ll ask me to work next weekend as well.  I don’t mind doing that, looking at my schedule and saying “yeah, sure, I’ll work.”  But I don’t want to commit to anything.  This Saturday I told him I was unavailable, because I’m going into Boston with mom and dad to go to a Thyroid Cancer Support Group at Mass General.  Then we’ll have lunch and go see Frost Nixen (or whatever that Nixen movie is called).  I’m also babysitting every Wednesday for my family in Leominster.  That’s an easy $50 for a fun afternoon of not doing anything.  They have family friends who are looking for a sitter, but they have four kids - 2,4,6 and 8.  That’s a lot of kids!  My mom also said she knows some people who are looking for sitters - so that’d  be interesting, too.  That will leave me available to do my practicum and have time for class.

I had applied for a part time job at MOC, and I got a call back today!  Unfortunately, she told me it’s a part-time/full-time job, with hours from 8:30 - 2:30, or 4:30 Monday through Friday.  I’m looking more for a job that is only three or four days a week.  I told the lady that I was sorry, but I can’t do full time.  That sucks, but it also wouldn’t be fair for me to get a job, and then have to leave for my internship. But it’s very exciting that I got a call back!  That means they saw my resume, was impressed, and wanted me to come in for an interview (which she gave me the option to if I was still interested).

Megan said that I should come see her in England and we can work on making lots of different food.  I said “Wow, I can come live there for three months like I did in Santa Fe!”  And she said “Well, I wasn’t thinking that long (cause I’ll be at work, and I don’t want you to get bored, plus it’s really expensive here), but I have a friend who maybe needs someone to look after her baby.  That’s in June, so maybe you could au pair for her?”  Holy crap would that be neat!  If I lived in England as an au pair for three months in the summer?  That’d be super cool.  I already have experience with my little baby here, and that’d be a piece of cake.  Little babies are easy, it’s when they start to crawl and run around and put things in their mouth that they’re harder.  But little babies just lie there, eat, and poop.  That’s nothing!  Megan keeps calling it my “post cancer trip.”  She’s so cute!

Emiliano will be very happy that I have been using Stumble Upon lately. While stumbling this morning, I found this quote:

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

~ Ellen Goodman

This is the exact reason why I want to move into my mini house, and NOT work.  Why do people work?  It’s stupid.  Think about it.  I don’t even need to mention any reasons, just read the quote.

I have been thinking more and more about the idea of me living a very minimalist life, and the thought makes me very, very happy.  I like imagining what it would be like, to live alone, to not have any worries, and to be able to wake up with the sun and work outside, and work, but work to live.  I don’t want to work for money: I want to work to eat, work to be healthy, and work to be happy.

Be happy.

I have not been happy lately.  There is nothing in my life that I am happy about.  That makes me very sad.  That is, in a word, depressing.  Megan said that I need to think about what things in this world make me happy.  Lately, all I enjoy doing is stumbling the internet, watching TV shows on my laptop, and reading books. I just started a new book called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  My mother just finished it for bookclub, and she thought I would really enjoy it.  Gilbert goes through a terrible divorce, and she decides to move away for a year.  She lives in Italy and just hangs out and eats.  She makes friends, learns Italian, and she eats!  She’s a writer, that’s how she affords living without working for a whole year.  While in Italy, she writes about the difference between Americans working, and Italians working.

“Americans work harder and longer and more stressful hours than anyone in the world today. . . Of course, we all inevitably work too hard, then we get burned out and have to spend the whole weekend in our pajamas, eating straight out of the box and staring at the TV in a mild coma (which is the opposite of working, yes, but not exactly the same thing as pleasure).  Americans don’t really know how to do nothing.  This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype - the overstressed executive who goes on vacation, but who cannot relax.” (Gilbert, 61)

I don’t want to live like that.  I don’t want to live my life working everyday at a job that I don’t enjoy.  My sister works a 9-5 doing some sort of work for a large insurance company.  During her free time, she cooks delicious vegetarian meals for her and her husband, volunteers at a non-profit little art kitchen place called the Art House, and does environmental work.  She doesn’t get anything out of her job except money.  That can be said for a lot of people.  I don’t want to live like that.  I know Megan doesn’t want to live like that, either.

My latest TV show that I’ve been watching at the gym is Private Practice.  Adison Montgomery moves away from Greys Anatomy to LA.  She moves and starts working in this really cool private group practice; they call it a  medical co-op.  It has a very spa-ish, relaxing, dark colors, waterfall type feel.  There’s a beautiful lounge, a kitchen,  and a meeting room where they meet every morning to talk about their patients.  In the practice, there is a Ob/Gyn, a general practitioner, a holistic healer who does acupuncture, a therapist, and a doctor who specializes in helping women get pregnant.  All of the doctors are TV perfect (well, they’re all a little messed up - but good looking!), they’re all early 30s, and are pretty much friends.  They have fun together.  I would like to work in a place like that.  I want to work with people that I enjoy, I would like to work in a group practice like that.

Be happy.

Ok, so I will make a list of things that (will) make me happy.

• Reading
• Watching TV and movies
• Cooking and baking
• Gardening - growing flowers and my own food
• Going to farmer’s markets
• Riding a bicycle everywhere and not needing a car
• Having and caring for my own chickens (fresh eggs!)
• Baking fresh bread
• Working in a group practice, and enjoying it
• Knitting
• Exercising
• Being warm, and spending time out in the sun
• Hanging out with friends and family
• Blogging - both reading and writing
• Sleeping, and waking up early to make a wonderful breakfast

I was driving around today thinking how much I would love living in a little house, and then I remembered that I won’t be completely done with my degree until May 2010, and then I got sad again.  I guess all I can do is think about this crazy dream.  Maybe I will write a story about myself living in this house, and I will live vicariously through my writing.  I will also try to de-clutter my life, and do my best at saving money so I will be able to afford this house.

I feel that if I move down south into a little house, my parents will tell their friends “Well, she got cancer at 23, and then she went a little crazy.”

And it would be true.