John Updike is a very famous writer, who I had never heard of until last night, and today, he is dead.  It is possibly my fault. Ho. Lee. Crap.

Let me explain.

Last night, when I ran home to get my library book, the book that I went to get was Augusten Burrough’s Possible Side Effects.  The book features many short stories.  The one I read in class last night was called “Killing John Updike.“  Here’s a summary of the story (or, click that link for the entire story):  Augusten’s friend Suzanne was going a little crazy, and told Augusten to buy John Updike books, because it was likely he was going to die soon. He was “like 80″ and the average lifespan of a white male is only 74…. so he’s going to die soon!  And so the entire story is Suzanne and Augusten scouring eBay and the Internet for his first edition books.  Augusten was looking for autographed copies, because they’d be worth more!  He ended up buying many many books (5?).  So then they talk about how they can kill him, and that the next day, they’ll wake up, and he’ll be dead!  They concentrated really hard on him being dead. And Augusten kept refreshing his CNN homepage for the announcement!!!

I had never heard of John Updike, and wasn’t sure if he made up the guy’s name, as to not talking about an actual author.  So I looked him up on my phone, and sure enough, he was a real guy.  And happily, he was still alive!  He was 76.  I looked over some of the books that he wrote, and nothing stood out as familiar.

So I didn’t think anything of it, until today.

Today, I was at the gym.  I was watching Roswell on the elliptical, and everything was going great.  Then, I looked up at the TV where CNN was playing, and it big letters it said “JOHN UPDIKE, DEAD AT AGE 76.”  And I did a double take.  I slowed down very slow, and just started at the TV.  “John Updike?  That’s the guy from the story that I just read LAST NIGHT about him dying.  About them wanting him to be dead.  Oh my god.”   And so, I was freaking out.  I was thinking, “Holy crap, this guy is now dead.  I just read a story about him being dead, and now he is dead.  That’s very weird.  I wonder if he would still have died if I never had read that story?”  I can’t say for sure.

But I can’t even imagine how Augusten Burroughs felt when he found out.

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****I told my mom this story when she came home.  First I asked if she had seen the news today (she hadn’t).  So I told her the story.  Then she said, “John Updike is one of Gail’s favorite authors”  and I said “Oh, she should call her and tell her you’re sorry.”  My mom replied with:  “You should call her and tell her you’re sorry.”  Hahahaha.  My mom is hilarious.