I am freaking out right now. I am planning on going down to Destare and giving my two weeks notice today. I made a final decision Saturday night into Sunday that I was most definitely going to quit. I had been thinking about it for about a month now, and I’m going back and forth, back and forth. The only thing that I am worried about is the money. I’m freaking out about losing the money. But last Saturday I made absolute crap for money. Serious. Crap. My sales were $218. I tipped out the bar $11 (5% of my net sales), and I walked out of there, after seven hours, with $36. I swear to god. On a Saturday!!!! Plus, I got yelled at. He didn’t really yell, per say. But he spoke down to me, and made me feel incredibly small and like I was a complete idiot. I shouldn’t be made to feel like that any job, but especially not as a job as a waitress. A job that means absolutely nothing to me in the long run. It’s a waitressing job. Seriously. It’s not my career, and it’s not like I absolutely NEED the money. I don’t. I live at home, I don’t pay rent. I’m at Macy’s until January, and I’m still babysitting every Wednesday (and I’m going to tell her that I’m leaving Destare, so if they ever need me overnight, so they can go away for a nice night). I can live without Destare, especially if the people there make me feel bad about myself and stress me out beyond belief. All of this stress and crap that I’ve dealt with has made me cry several times, and even has kept me up at night. I shouldn’t be so freaked out over a job like this, and that should be the first sign that I need to move on!

I’m still thinking back and forth about it. I know that I should move on from there. It’s been a year and a half, and I am no longer happy. I also feel that I deserve respect for being there for so long, and that they should be thankful to have me, and thankful that I’ve stayed so long. I am the employee that has been there the absolute longest, and they don’t even give a crap. It’s quite sad.
It really is just the money that I’m worried about…. I’m wrestling with this in my head, but I know what the right decision is. I need to leave. Plus, I’ll give my two weeks now, and then I’ll be free to hang out with Megan when she’s home! I already told them I can’t work New Year’s because of the Brew Year’s Eve party, but he was trying to make me feel bad about it (I honestly think he might have fired me for not showing up, even though I gave him two months notice). Plus, I am sick and tired of working at night because it sucks to miss out on things all the time. My parents would go out to dinner parties at friend’s houses, which I couldn’t go to. I’ve missed numerous parties at friend’s houses because I “had” to work. It sucks. I want a regular day time job, with my nights and weekends to myself! I’d be fine working Saturday during the day, but not Saturday nights.

I’m going to look for a job in the mental health field, because I should get experience for my degree. Because the economy is so bad, I understand that I might not be able to get a job right away. If that is the case, I will try to just find a place to intern with. That way I can still get the experience that I need for my resume, even though I won’t make any of the money. I’m ok with that. Somehow I will make it through. I need to quit because the job is driving me insane. It sucks, but it’s true. I’m going to have to take school loans out. I owe ~$1600 in January (cause my class is 6 credits), and then in September, when I start my internship, I’ll owe $3200. My internship is 12 credits, and for every three credits, it is ~$800. I’ll probably have to take a loan out for some of that, but I won’t be done until May 2010, so I have until then to pay it off in full, before I’ll start being charged interest. But if that’s all the school loans I have after being done with my Master degree, I think $5,000 is pretty good.