My mom bought apples today (the $16 of apples I bought on Halloween are ALL GONE!), and when she came home, she said “Do you want me to store the apples in the fridge?”  I said “no, not really.”  And then she said “Oh, well, I like them when they’re in the fridge.”  So then I asked her “So then why did you even ask me?”  I don’t care if my apples are cold or room temperature, but she did.  That’s silly.  She should have just put them in the fridge, and not worried about it.

She also does this thing with my dad where she sees what he’s wearing before they’re going out, and she said “Is that what you’re wearing?”  Obviously, yes, that is what he’s wearing.  There’s no reason to ask that question.  She’s not really looking for an answer, it’s just a way for then the guy to say “Yes, why?”  And then the woman will say “Well, I don’t like what you have on.”  So many women do this (hell, I’ve probably done it).  When really, she should say “Why don’t you put something more dressy on,”  or “Will you wear that blue sweater?  It looks really good on you.”

All too often, people don’t say exactly what they mean.  I learned all about this in my couples counseling classes.  Women just need to state exactly what they mean.

Don’t say “Will you help me out?”  Say “Please vacuum the rug in the living room.”

When I was living with Eric, I was having trouble dealing with household stuff.  Someone in my Psychology of Intimacy class suggested to give him a  list of whatever I wanted, and give him a deadline “You don’t have to do it now, but please have it done by Saturday night when my parents are coming to dinner.”

That makes total sense, I hate being in the middle of something when my mom says “Go do this!”  I’m in the middle of something, I’m not going to get up and do whatever you want me to do.  I can see how that makes sense.  BUT, I tried it with Eric, and I said “Tomorrow is trash day, can you please take out the trash before you go to bed, and also make the orange juice tonight so we have it for tomorrow.”
I went to bed after him, walked into the kitchen and saw that the trash was still in the kitchen, and the orange juice container was still empty sitting on the counter.  I took our the trash and made the orange juice.  I complained to my dad about this, and he said I shouldn’t have done it.  But then I said “but it was trash day, and the trash had to go out!”  And he said “no it didn’t.  It could just have sat there until next week, and then he would have woken up in the morning, and been like ‘crap, I didn’t take out the garbage’, and he would understand that he messed up.”  I understand that I could have left the trash, and I probably should have.  But I absolutely needed orange juice in the morning.

Anyway, I think it’s very important to specifically ask for what you want, and don’t be vague about it.  My mom should have said “I like my apples in the fridge, is that ok with you?”  And if it wasn’t ok with me, we could have split it, and put some on the counter for me.