I think that the reason that I’m not really freaking out right now about my health, is that I’ve always had problems with my health. I had really bad acid reflux disease, where I was waking up several times a week and throwing up. I had to see a bunch of specialists about that, and they found out that it is GERD (gastro esophagal reflux disease) and something called Barret’s esophagus. I have to be careful about everything that I eat, and take pills if I’m gonna eat something that I’m “not suppose to.” I’ve had tons of trouble with my period (sorry if this is TMI), but I even had to go get an ultra sound to make sure I didn’t have any ovarian cysts. I’ve had countless other ultrasounds as well…. many on my throat to look at my thyroid, on my breasts when I had my lumpectomy back in 2004, on my abdomen when I was throwing up all the time… that was the weirdest one, cause it’s the closest to the one that women have when they have a baby. Haha. Weird!
So I guess I’m thinking about it more like “oh, well, this is just something else that I have to deal with, some other pill that I have to take.” But I shouldn’t think of it like that, because it IS different. I need to have radiation, and two major surgeries. With my lumpectomy, I went in at 6am, and was probably out by 10am (I got to watch Regis and Kelly with my mom in recovery)! For these surgeries, I’m in the hospital over night, and I can’t move after them, and I have this stupid plaster-of-paris thing on my neck when I wake up. It was horrible.
My incision was only about 2 inches long, but I have this HUGE hard thing across my beck, with bandages going from collar bone to collar bone. But that’s another reason why I can’t move when I first wake up. I need to use the electric bed to sit up or lie down, and I’m in so much pain I can barely move. Finally, when I need to go to the bathroom, I have to wheel this stupid IV thing with me into the bathroom, and that sucks. Plus, I have this three piece johnny on. It’s pants, a regular johnny, and a johnny “robe.” This next time, I want to change into my pajamas, so I don’t have to worry about having XL pants on, and having to tie and untie them to go to the bathroom. Also, I think last time, my Johnny wasn’t tied in the back around my neck, so I think my breasts were showing when the doctor/nurse was in, and I was still loopy from the anesthesia. So embarrassing.
But I really do need to think of this as being really different, because it is really different. For two weeks before my RAI (radiation) treatment, I have to be on a low-iodine diet. Most salt contains iodine, and that means that I can’t have anything that has regular salt in it. Because I can never tell if an ingredient “salt” contains iodine, I am not allowed to have ANYTHING from the store or a restaurant that could contain either salt, or any kind of dairy. Basically, I am allowed to have fresh fruit and vegetables, bread that I make myself with non-iodized salt, fresh meat, fresh pasta made with non-iodized salt… and that’s about it. If I want to have spaghetti sauce, I have to make it myself. Salad dressing? Have to make it myself. Cereal for breakfast? Sorry, I’m not allowed to have milk. Peanut butter? Sure, but it has to be the organic kind with no added salt. I can add my own salt, but it has to be special salt. Have you ever seen organic peanut butter? It separates, so it has to be stirred before it is used. Gross. Basically, I’m going to live off of fruit salad, and non-salted rice cakes. Yum.
Also, with the RAI, there is an increased risk of getting leukemia later in life. So you cure one cancer with RAI, but then the RAI may cause another cancer later down the line. Hmmm. But as one site I found says, “Sometimes, a little radioactivity is just what the doctor ordered!” I’m not too comfortable with that…. curing one cancer to perhaps then get another??? That’s crazy! Also, this cancer has a high recurrence rate (30%+). And, like 60% of recurrences happen in 10+ years. In my case, since I’m so young getting it (23), there is a very HIGH chance that it will come back in my future 70 or so years. With older people it’s not as common, because they may die before it has the chance to come back. But with me, my body has so much longer to live, that there is so much more time for the cancer to grow back. So that sucks as well.
I just need to realize that this IS different than all of the other health problems I’ve faced. And it is different, because now I have to go to talk to doctors about having cancer, not just acid reflux. But my brain is just having a hard time realizing that. Maybe once it gets closer to my RAI treatment I’ll finally realize it.
